Kindness and Self Love this Valentine’s Day!

“The secret of attraction is to love yourself.  Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others.  They are open to gestures of love.  They think about love, and express their love in every action.  They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe.”

~ Deepak Chopra

Valentine’s Day, Singles Awareness Day — whatever you like to call it, February 14 is almost upon us. A day of love and frustration, of proposals and breakups!  Whether you love the day or are dreading the day, I think we can all agree that love makes the world go round!

Unfortunately, statistics show the majority of marriages in the US fail.  As psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book The Science of Happily Ever After, only three in ten people  have healthy  happy marriages. 

So, if we are single or divorced, how do we jump back into the fire that has left us hurt and bitter?   If we are in a relationship or marriage, how do we KEEP this love alive and become part of the thriving and happy 30%? And with the Day of Love looming just around the corner, what can we do make 2015 the year we finally bring more love into our life?

According to Dr. John Gottman one of the leading experts on marriage and relationships and the author of “What makes Love Last”, one of the key indicators of a successful and lasting relationship is Kindness and Generosity! During his “Love Lab” study in 1990, Dr. Gottman made a fascinating discovery that relationships thrived in an atmosphere where partners were receptive to the “Bids” of attention when requested from their partners. The simple act of kindness, which can be as simple as paying attention, listening, and acknowledging the presence of each other, was enough to keep a marriage together!

Simple kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated.   Simple kindness directed inward in Self-Love! It creates an upward spiral of good feelings. Kindness leads to feeling safe.  Safety leads to openness and intimacy, which leads to trust and passion.  The more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the safer they will feel to share their true selves, in turn building trust, intimacy and passion.   The more kind we are to ourselves, the better outcomes we will have in all areas of our life!

Here are a few ideas to bring more kindness and Self-love into your own relationships:

  1. Make a commitment to let go of blame, criticism, and contempt for yourself and others. There is nothing more damaging to a relationship (and our Spirit!) than finger pointing, and believing the lies told by your own “inner critic”. Do whatever forgiveness work necessary to let go of past baggage to open up space in your life and your heart for love! 
  2. Learn your own Love Language and that of your partner, and speak it every day! Is your Love language physical touch? Book yourself a massage, or give a 30 second hug! If your love language is quality time, book a romantic dinner for 2, or spend time with a friend. Single? Giving these gestures of love to yourself is just as important!

      3.  Pay attention! — to your partner, your kids, yourself, and your needs. In our hi-tech, over stressed world we forget how simple and powerful it can be to give someone the easiest kindness of all: our presence and attention! 

Long and happy relationships lead to better health and a longer life! Lasting Love rarely, just “happens”. It is the result of time, attention and personal growth! Fortunately, there are experts who are ready to light the way to successful and happy partnerships! If you are struggling, ask for help. Reach out to a relationship expert so you can fall back in love with YOURSELF, attract and keep the Ultimate Love of your Life!